imperator-spoopy asked:
4, 8, & 19 with ZevranxWarden? :3
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geeky-jez answered:
Whoo boy. I am now officially not allowed to be shy about smut. Zevran has cured me of this. This one is most certainly NSFW.
Time to switch Wardens (as much as I’m certain Myra Cousland would enjoy taking part). We’ll give this one to Vhenari Surana.
A Massage + A Love Bite + A Kiss Below the Waist
Vhenari sat on the fallen log in front of the campfire, trying to sand down the chip in her staff. She’d been careless with the weapon. A hurlock had been bearing down on her when she was out of lyrium potions. Rather than run, she decided to take a swing at it, it’s jagged armor taking a chunk out of the wood. It had been foolish. The creature was barely deterred by the gesture and she could have easily damaged her weapon beyond repair. Thankfully, the assassin had used the distraction to attack the darkspawn from behind, dropping it easily with a blade to its throat.
She leaned forward toward the fire, feeling the heat on her face as she blew away the wood dust, running her fingers over her staff, frowning as she inspected it. “You look so very tired, my Warden.” Vhenari glanced up as Zevran approached. There was something in his expression that she didn’t quite comprehend, but he was watching her very intently. “All this constant walking and fighting - it has left you looking quite tense.”
She shrugged, looking down again. “You’re not wrong.”
“Might I offer my assistance, then?” She felt his hand move to the back of her neck, his fingertips pressing in just enough to manipulate the stiffness in her muscles. Her brow furrowed, her eyes closing briefly as she let out a small groan. He leaned down, his lips close to her ear. “My thought is this - we retire to your tent and I show you the sort of massage skills that one only learns growing up in an Antivan whorehouse.”
Her eyes opened again, her breath catching as she turned her head to look at him. He’d been flirtatious before but this was…
She looked around the camp, checking to see if anyone else had overheard. “Are you suggesting that we….” she hesitated, the words fleeing her.
“I am only suggesting that I help you relax,” he said quietly, his fingers working their way down to her shoulders as his other hand joined. Maker, it felt good. Nearly every part of her ached from sleeping with little more than a thin bedroll between her and the hard ground. “If you mean to ask whether or not there will be more than a massage involved,” he added, his lips so close they brushed against her ear as he spoke, “allow me to simply say that you won’t be disappointed with any of the techniques I’ve picked up over the years.”
“I don’t know if I-Ah!” Her words were cut off by a gasp as his thumb found a knot in her back, biting her lip as he slowly circled it.
“What is there to fear, my Grey Warden?” He asked, his voice low. “You deserve a little fun, do you not? You can take my offer for as much or as little as you wish. If you wish only to be massaged, then that is what you shall have.”
Vhenari hesitated, letting her lip slide slowly down from between her teeth. “That’s very generous of you.”
“What can I say?” He murmured. “I am a very giving man.”
Leliana writes NSFW Andraste/Shartan fanfic during her time at the Lothering Chantry? Couple hundred years later a Historian find it and they are convinced that Divine Victoria wrote it because the handwriting matches? But no one believes them.
Thanks so much for the submission! You know who you are.
Our first technical nsfw post!
“Lesbian” movies be like
-“I’m in a relationship with a guy but you’re so hot and this is so wrong”
-“you’re my teacher but you’re so hot and this is so wrong”
-“there’s so much drama and one of us is gonna die”
-“I’ve only ever been with men but you’re different and the only label we can come up with for this is ‘lesbian’”
-“I’m in a loveless marriage and you’re so young and sexy but I’ll end up with my husband anyway”
I saw a picture a couple days ago of a girl kissing a female statue, my first thought was: Oooo that would make such a good movie, one not based on any of the themes that already exist
Okay so a story about a girl who goes on a school trip to a museum and she and her friends are bored out of their minds so they start taking stupid selfies and there’s this statue of some greek goddess and the girl takes selfies with it and kisses it first on the cheek and then on the lips. The next day that goddess is sitting in her kitchen asking her to make her some coffee because oh my god she has the worst hangover of her life and she can’t even remember where she is.
I’d watch that movie.
Fund it. FUND IT.
fuck at the very least i think we can manage some fucking fic, come on people get on that
have some sera/dagna feels
consider: dagna approaching sera after seeing what she does with her tempest stuff
dagna being like this is amazing tell me everything
sera being all grump grump I don’t know I just try stuff at first but she cannot with how cute and enthusiastic dagna is about her thing
sera being wary at first because she’s cute right but she’s way too interested why is she interested?
dagna and sera staying up til morning talking shop
swapping terrible cookies. deep mushroom cookies from dagna and what did you even put in this cookies from sera
dagna making enchanted flasks for sera because it seems like a good idea at the time and sera taking forever to warm up to the idea, before she decides that these are different than other enchanged stuff
working on stuff together in the undercroft, mixing stuff to see what blows up and what doesn’t, covered in soot and laughing even though their eyebrows are singed nearly all off
it takes forever for them to smooch but when they do it’s bent over a worktable in the undercroft long after harritt has gone to bed like a normal human being
they just really really like each other okay
widdle is like the fifth nickname they go through and the second one to stick (the first one to stick only turns up in the bedroom)
Submitted by @welseywelsey
My 7 month old kitten loves playing with water - not necessarily getting wet but he seems to love the reflections of light and the sound. He runs to the bathroom if he hears the water running and splashes in his water bowl constantly! It’s mostly harmless and cute except when he tries to play in the toilet. 😝
That’s so cute! Since play allows baby animals to practice adult skills, I wonder if some part of this is him practicing a fishing behavior.
bioware games
- what the dialogue option says: you're so cute!
- what it says if you choose it: it's so cute that you think living garbage like you even has the right to speak to me... frankly how dare you